Forum Index > Chat > Umor negru / Черный юмор

#0 by X!a (Съел пару конфет) (0 mesaje) at 2008-12-11 16:18:08 (830 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top



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#3201 by Wallachiel (Castle of Dreams: Sleeping Garden) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-01 09:55:49 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3200 broke, :look:


chat wai :hmm:


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#3202 by broke (ι’мα ƒυ¢кιηg ρяιη¢єѕѕ) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-01 09:58:50 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3201 valachesh, :look:

Звонок в отделение неотложной помоши:
- Помогите! Мой сын наелся муравьев!!!
- Ну, ничего страшного, он их переварит. Дайте ему стакан молока.
- Да? А я ему отравы для муравьев дала.

Хирурги считают, что внутренний мир человека лучше всего раскрывается на операционном столе.


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#3203 by VeerJ (User) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-01 10:03:43 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top


:D

Editat de către VeerJ la 2010-05-01 10:17:00




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#3204 by sirkeli (BMSTU) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-01 10:15:55 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3203 VeerJ, вторая картинка в шапке топика под спойлером ))


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#3205 by VeerJ (User) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-01 10:17:13 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3204 sirkeli, plea nis nam vazut-o :D


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#3206 by Nikita02 (F#ck being normal) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-01 10:32:29 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3202 broke, "... Хирурги считают, что внутренний мир человека лучше всего раскрывается на операционном столе. ..." - С этим даже не поспоришь..)


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#3207 by Anicetix (Open your mind !) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-01 12:00:30 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top



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#3208 by kirpi (Power User) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-01 19:15:53 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3202 broke, "... Да? А я ему отравы для муравьев дала. ..." - :girlhaha:


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#3209 by Sweety31Disabled (_) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-02 11:59:18 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top



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#3210 by Iarik Velo Club (Dream BIG | Beer ♥) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-02 12:01:08 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3209 Sweety31, da cei aceea?


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#3211 by Sweety31Disabled (_) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-02 12:09:52 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3210 Iarik, asta tipa un organism extraterestru, stii, ca in filmele alea de genu "Чужой против Хищника" , nu ai vazut niciodata?


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#3212 by broke (ι’мα ƒυ¢кιηg ρяιη¢єѕѕ) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-02 12:12:14 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
Мальчик сломал руку в шести местах ,когда показывал как пройти лабиринт.


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#3213 by Iarik Velo Club (Dream BIG | Beer ♥) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-02 12:17:11 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3211 Sweety31, a chiarca)) demult foarte privit)) am uitat .. cool :D


#3212 broke, :look:


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#3214 by bam (♦Aloha Na♦) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-02 17:26:45 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top


Любишь сидеть на шее — раздвигай ноги.

Утром едешь на дачу, а вечером возвращаешься с этого ёбаного огорода.

Сколько гостя не корми, он все равно напьется...

Девушка, что вы на меня смотрите, как-будто у вас родители на дачу уехали!?

Если ноги от шеи, значит, руки — из жопы...

Навеяно вчерашней пьянкой: " Часто о лучших минутах в нашей жизни мы узнаем от очевидцев."

Какая разница между свиньёй и мужчиной? Свинья НЕ превращается в мужчину после пьянки.

Интеллигентные люди никогда не станут пить из горлышка, если есть пустая консервная банка!

Любимая! Таких как ты не было, нет и не надо!

Значoк на 150-килограмовом мужике: "Хочешь умереть? Спроси - хочу ли я похудеть!"

Когда женщина говорит о надежном мужском плече, то, как правило, имеет в виду шею.


Положительные эмоции — это эмоции, которые возникают, если на все положить.

Чувствую себя, как TAMPAX — в хорошем месте, но в плохое время...

Счастье труда - это чувство, которое испытывает поэт, глядя, как рабочие строят плотину.

Она еще несовращеннолетняя.

Место клизмы изменить нельзя.

Прогресс сделал розетки недоступными большинству детей — умирают самые одаренные.

Женщины — цветы жизни. Их либо в воду, либо в землю.

Праведную жизнь начинаешь вести тогда, когда на грешную уже не остается ни сил, ни денег.


Объявление в университете: "Экзамен не состоится! Все билеты проданы."

Счастье — это когда желаемое совпадает с неизбежным.

В России действительно удалось сказку сделать былью, правда сказку выбрали уж больно страшную.

Раскаяться никогда не поздно, а согрешить можно и опоздать.

Нельзя быть одновременно веселым, трезвым и умным.

Во время пьянки мы чувствуем себя личностью. Наутро - организмом.

Чем удобряли, то и выросло...

Нам разум дал стальные руки-крюки!

Бог дал нам родственников. Слава Богу, друзей мы выбираем сами.

Друзья — люди, которые хорошо Вас знают, но все равно любят.

Нам бы сработаться — мы тут быстро все развалим.

Смейтесь над своими проблемами. Другие ведь смеются.

Физические упражнения продлевают Вашу жизнь на 10 лет. Если на их выполнение Вы затратили 20.

Некоторые приносят радость, куда бы они ни пришли, некоторые — откуда бы они не ушли.

Честный ребенок любит не маму с папой, а трубочки с кремом.

Cтыдно не когда видно,а когда присматриваться надо...

Люди делятся на две категории: человек думающий и обезьяны доведенные трудом до состояния человека.

Надпись на водочной этикетке: "Перед злоупотреблением охладить"

"Кто не способен ни на любовь, ни на дружбу, тот вернее всего делает свою ставку - на брак." (с) Ф.Ницше

Второй брак — победа надежды над жизненным опытом.

Ты бык не потому, что здоровый, а потому, что скотина.


Mesaj util ?   Da   2 puncte
#3215 by sambotezatu (User) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-02 17:46:04 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3214 bam, am vazut-o si eu odata :look:, sper s o mai vad


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#3216 by sirkeli (BMSTU) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-02 19:04:08 (758 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top











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#3217 by sambotezatu (User) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-03 19:43:26 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
Acest mesaj nu respecta eticheta de comunicare și a fost ascuns. Click dacă oricum dorești să-l vezi.
#3218 by Anicetix (Open your mind !) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-04 00:55:13 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top



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#3219 by Nikita02 (F#ck being normal) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-04 16:49:21 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3218 Anicetix, :sarcastic:


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#3220 by yaponetzDisabled (User) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-04 19:48:26 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
Its a bit of a long read but its sooo worth it.

text ascunsскрытый текст

The comments are not mine, they belong to the original poster of the dialogue.

quote:

* bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker ([email protected]) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> why do you kick me
<bitchchecker> can’t you discus normally
<bitchchecker> answer!
<Elch> we didn’t kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<bitchchecker> what ping man
<bitchchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<bitchchecker> i even have dst
<bitchchecker> you banned me
<bitchchecker> amit it you son of a bitch
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> shit you’re stupid, DST^^
<bitchchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<bitchchecker> for two weaks already
<bitchchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You’re a real computer expert
<bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you’re dead
<Elch> Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
<bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I’m frightened
<bitchchecker> shut up you’ll be gone
<bitchchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
<bitchchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<bitchchecker> to you man
<bitchchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

quote:

* bitchchecker ([email protected]) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<bitchchecker> you’re so stupid man
<bitchchecker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<bitchchecker> buy buy elch
* bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room… Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve… Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

quote:

* bitchchecker ([email protected]) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch
<Metanot> bitchchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What’s up bitchchecker?
<bitchchecker> you have a frie wal
<bitchchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don’t know
<bitchchecker> i’m 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<bitchchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<bitchchecker> be a man turn that shit off
<Elch> cool, didn’t know this was possible.
<bitchchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<bitchchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<bitchchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl^^
<He> Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<bitchchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<bitchchecker> you’re afraid
<bitchchecker> i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<bitchchecker> elch turn off your shit wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<bitchchecker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<bitchchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<bitchchecker> and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn’t let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don’t have a firewall at all, only my router.

quote:

<Elch> bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> bitchhacker can’t hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words ^^
<bitchchecker> wort man
<Elch> bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<bitchchecker> man do you want a virus
<bitchchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..^^
<Elch> 127.0.0.1
<Elch> it’s easy
<bitchchecker> lolololol you so stupid man you’ll be gone
<bitchchecker> and are the first files being deleted
<Elch> mom…
<Elch> i’ll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

quote:

<bitchchecker> don’t need to rescue you can’t son of a bitch
<Elch> that’s bad
<bitchchecker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
<Elch> yes, there’s nothing i can do about it
<bitchchecker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn’t matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bitchchecker was comforting me with a mus

The comments are not mine, they belong to the original poster of the dialogue.

quote:

* bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker ([email protected]) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> why do you kick me
<bitchchecker> can’t you discus normally
<bitchchecker> answer!
<Elch> we didn’t kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<bitchchecker> what ping man
<bitchchecker> the timing of my pc is right
<bitchchecker> i even have dst
<bitchchecker> you banned me
<bitchchecker> amit it you son of a bitch
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> shit you’re stupid, DST^^
<bitchchecker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<bitchchecker> for two weaks already
<bitchchecker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You’re a real computer expert
<bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you’re dead
<Elch> Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
<bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I’m frightened
<bitchchecker> shut up you’ll be gone
<bitchchecker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
<bitchchecker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<bitchchecker> to you man
<bitchchecker> buy buy
<Elch> I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

quote:

* bitchchecker ([email protected]) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<bitchchecker> you’re so stupid man
<bitchchecker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<bitchchecker> buy buy elch
* bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room… Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve… Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

quote:

* bitchchecker ([email protected]) has joined #stopHipHop
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch
<Metanot> bitchchecker how old are you?
<Elch> What’s up bitchchecker?
<bitchchecker> you have a frie wal
<bitchchecker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don’t know
<bitchchecker> i’m 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<bitchchecker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<bitchchecker> be a man turn that shit off
<Elch> cool, didn’t know this was possible.
<bitchchecker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<bitchchecker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<bitchchecker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl^^
<He> Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<bitchchecker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<bitchchecker> you’re afraid
<bitchchecker> i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<bitchchecker> elch turn off your shit wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<bitchchecker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<bitchchecker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<bitchchecker> and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn’t let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don’t have a firewall at all, only my router.

quote:

<Elch> bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> bitchhacker can’t hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words ^^
<bitchchecker> wort man
<Elch> bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<bitchchecker> man do you want a virus
<bitchchecker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..^^
<Elch> 127.0.0.1
<Elch> it’s easy
<bitchchecker> lolololol you so stupid man you’ll be gone
<bitchchecker> and are the first files being deleted
<Elch> mom…
<Elch> i’ll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

quote:

<bitchchecker> don’t need to rescue you can’t son of a bitch
<Elch> that’s bad
<bitchchecker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
<Elch> yes, there’s nothing i can do about it
<bitchchecker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn’t matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bitchchecker was comforting me with a music tip.

quote:

<bitchchecker> tupac rules
<bitchchecker> elch you son of a bitch your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god… All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted….

Or isn’t it happening on my computer?

quote:

<bitchchecker> and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
<He> why doesn’t meta say anything
<Elch> he’s probably rolling on the floor laughing
<Black<TdV>> ^^
<bitchchecker> your d: is gone
<He> go on BITCH

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bitchchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I’ll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

quote:

<bitchchecker> elch man you’re so stupid never give your ip on the internet
<bitchchecker> i’m already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he’s not attacking my computer?

quote:

* bitchchecker ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late… It’s 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias “bitchchecker”. We see that he has a “Ping timeout”. We haven’t seen him since then… must be the Daylight Saving Time.
ÎnchideЗакрыть

Editat de către yaponetz la 2010-05-04 19:59:55




Mesaj util ?   Da   2 puncte
#3221 by bam (♦Aloha Na♦) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-04 19:51:56 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3220 yaponetz, a po moldavskii mojna ? xD


Mesaj util ?   Da   1 puncte
#3222 by rigel (xD) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-04 23:35:35 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3220 yaponetz, rolling on the floor laughing :trampoline:


Mesaj util ?   Da   1 puncte
#3223 by sambotezatu (User) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-05 15:37:55 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
Я держу тебя под душем,
Ты визжишь, приятно слушать.
Hервы режет - словно ток.
Да, не любишь кипяток!


- Прикинь, иду вчера по улице.., а там трое одного бьют!!! Ну я решил помочь!!!
- Ну и как, получилось!!!
- Ага, видел бы ты как мы его в четвером отпис*дили!!!


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#3224 by Nikita02 (F#ck being normal) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-05 16:53:29 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3223 sambotezatu, "... - Ага, видел бы ты как мы его в четвером отпис*дили!!! ..." - :rofl:


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#3225 by sirkeli (BMSTU) (0 mesaje) at 2010-05-05 17:44:37 (757 săptămâni în urmă) - [Link]Top
#3224 Nikita02, мне про душ понравилось :lol:


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