DISAPPOINTING ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Marshall Mathers LP 2 by Eminem


How can Eminem vie for Verse of the Year, Emcee of the Year, Comeback of the Year and have the most disappointing album? Well, great emcees make bad (or at least polarizing) albums all the time. Eminem has sputtered on his quest to be as lyrically dominant as he was in the late ‘90s and early aughts. He’s battled personal demons and experimented with both a Swedish accent (Relapse) and Stadium Rock/Screamo (Recovery). He largely avoided both on MMLP2, but fans were mostly victims of our own falsely created high expectations by expecting a sequel to a classic album. Em’s “continuation” of the Marshall Mathers LP contained some of his best emceeing in nearly a decade with “Rap God.” But it also contained some unexcusable flotsam in the form of Zombie retreads and more rape and homophobic references than a guy in his 40s should be comfortable making.

RUNNERS UP
I Am Not A Human Being II by Lil Wayne
A once dominant Lil Wayne looked incredibly mortal on his 2013 effort, I Am Not A Human Being II. Moments where he was once successful being weirdly experimental were replaced with cut and pasted couplets that sounded like they came straight from the walls of a junior high school bathroom stall. The best hope for Mr. Carter? He took his respective omissions from both the MTV VMAs and BET Awards in stride and promised to work harder.

Magna Carta Holy Grail by Jay Z
It’s not that Magna Carta Holy Grail necessarily sounded bad. It’s that it sounded corporate. Non sequiturs like, “I don’t pop Molly / I rock Tom Ford” paired with the creepiness of a man 40-plus muttering “Twerk Miley… Twerk Miley…” feel as though they were inspired by a market share report indicating that 42% of all Twitter followers tweeted the hashtag #TwerkMiley and 64% of all Hip Hop albums were sold to those living below the Mason Dixon line. Since his “un-retirement” following The Black Album, Hov only shows up on wax when there’s something else to sell. Got a Budweiser deal, here comes Kingdom Come. Denzel’s in a gangster movie, how ‘bout American Gangster? Samsung’s buying a million, Magna Carta time! Someone go get Rick Rubin to lay on my couch. But we saw this coming. This is the same guy who once rapped “Back to Sean Carter the hustler / Jay Z is dead” on Vol. 3… The Life And Times Of S. Carter. At this point in Jigga’s storied career, remaining “cool” is way more important than being lyrically innovative. And what’s cooler than being a half-billionaire with Obama on the text?